In April, shortly before the first anniversary of his death, I am having a particularly bad day. There is a meeting of the writing group I am part of, but I am not in the mood to write. It takes an effort for me to attend – but it was worth it.
This time we work in pairs. Each pair gets a topic. We write in the group, then in the breakout room the two participants read their text to each other. As my partner reads her beautiful text addressed to a person, I think: hopefully she has someone worthy of those words. She ends, I tell her how beautiful I find her text – to which she answers: “Your husband dictated this letter to me for you.” Indeed, there is something about the letter that indicates that he dictated it.
It is a beautiful love letter – I am moved to tears. Sadness but also happiness and so much love is in these tears. And gratitude – I am infinitely grateful to him for his love and support.
Another letter
The beginning of August, a few turbulent weeks are behind me, a transformative process is fading. Again he dictates such a beautiful, encouraging letter to my colleague, to uplift me. Does my husband know how much he helps me with this?
Through a fellow medium, he sent me the message that he will always find ways to contact me. His creativity in finding new ways to show me his love and support is touching.
Recently someone told me to let go. I have thought about that for a long time. How could I just ignore him, his presence? Then I understood: It is about letting go of our past. The wish that he was still incarnated. The sadness that he is no longer incarnated. This is a process that will take some time. Feeling his presence helps. Love connects, wherever the other person is, incarnate or discarnate.
“True love never has a happy ending because there is no ending to true love.” (Alexander the Great)